This is the first post for Gray Matters. Why Gray Matters? Well, believe it or not, grandparents and other age gifted mentors continue to question, continue to learn, continue to get frustrated, excited, interested, angry. That gray matter in our heads has amassed a lot of experience to reflect on. We also have the judgement and experience to know (and occasionally admit) that we don’t have all the answers.
Gray Matters’ mission is to provide a space to share ideas and points of view. A space to explore and nurture ways to deepen our relationships with children and their parents, and through those relationships expand all our horizons.
It is amazing to me how raising a family changes so much from generation to generation, while at the same time it remains the same. Take, for instance, the new method of feeding infants, Baby-Led-Weaning. If I saw a six-month-old confronted by a chicken leg on their highchair tray I would panic; my heart would race, and my eyes would be locked on that child. I would also be fascinated. Watching the chicken leg finding its way from the top of a baby’s head to its mouth would be like watching a scientist discover a new law of nature.
“Wow, that thing in my mouth is crazy! It tastes even better than my favorite toy!”
We used to grind everything and spoon-feed our kids, not a solid chunk until after teeth. I can see where this baby-led method teaches a child how to avoid choking, how to decide what they do and don’t like, and how to explore new flavors setting them on a path of discovery and adventure.
Speaking of adventure, since election day (ugh) many of us are concerned and floundering. Splashing about. Did we just not understand what was frustrating half the country? Do we communicate so poorly. Did we miss opportunities for real, substantive conversations? We worked hard, getting the vote out, registering students, reading, listening to podcasts and watching videos. We tried to understand undercurrents we only recently became aware of.
For instance, I had heard whispers of algorithms and rabbit holes of misogyny that were seductive to young boys, but it wasn’t until speaking with a college student who expressed the frustration of losing friends to MAGA that a light switched on. He explained how, as a twelve-year-old boy who loved gaming, he was fed videos that taught him that, as a man, he should rule over the girls/women in his life. This student had older sisters, so when he tried out his newfound “strength” they quickly knocked some sense in him. His MAGA friend had no sisters, nobody to teach him otherwise. Now as a young adult, his friend believes and spews hostile views. This story scared the shit out of me. Not only are young girls encountering boys who believe this garbage, but I have no idea what garbage young girls and boys in the next generations are being fed.
So, what can we do?
I am not a content creator for young minds, so I look at what is available. I have recently looked back on, and laughed with, early Sesame Street episodes (recent episodes put too much emphasis on smartphones for my liking). I’m sure there is plenty of post 1970 content available that build self-esteem while teaching compassion, respect and appreciation for others.
Let us know if you have recommendations. Better yet, if you are content creator, create and promote content for democracy minded programmers to feed young gamers and others through new, humane algorithms. Let’s create better rabbit holes – think Lewis Carroll.
· And, while we gray hairs sometimes struggle to understand what kids are saying, we need to listen. And respond truthfully, respectfully and appropriately. (Sorry – I know that that sounds a bit preachy)
· Keep talking - to each other, to strangers, in the public square. You may not feel your voice has meaning, but if not you, then who? And if not now, then when?
I know there will be times when I say things that are less than perfect here. I guaranty I will screw up. I ask that you be respectful in your comments and criticisms, but please, challenge me.
Heads up. Hearts forward.
Gray Matters